Writers Write

Stilts of Encouragement

Words of Encouragement

The first time I ever entered the Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc., (OWFI) was in 2016. I entered the majority of the 30-something categories, and I won nothing. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I was discouraged. I was talking to my friend (who had scored a win that year at OWFI), and I said, “Maybe I shouldn’t enter the OWFI writing contest in the future. I don’t want to just throw my money out the window.”

Of course, I’m embarrassed to say that this was a little bit of sour grapes speaking. I was dripping with disappointment, my heart and soul covered in discouragement. And I had not yet seen the critiques from the judges, so I had no idea that there is always something to learn, even when you don’t win.

Besides, despite OWFI being a big contest, there is only one person judging the entry. Perhaps that person just wasn’t in the mood for what was written. As writers, we need to remember that there will always be some people who love your writing, some people who are lukewarm about your writing, and some people who do not like it at all.

No writer pleases everybody. There might even be some who, like the words in the song “Shake It Off” (written by Taylor Swift, Max Martin, and Shellback), are going to fit the lyric “the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.” The positive message of the song is that if we can get past the bad, we can continue to do the things we love.

That’s not the important part of this story, though. The important part is that my friend, who had bought some of my books and I had gifted her many others, was well-acquainted with my writing. After hearing my tale of woe about winning nothing at OWFI, she immediately said, “I’ll pay for you to enter next year. I believe in you.”

I told her that I didn’t need (nor did I request) for her to pay for me to enter. She really “put her money where her mouth is,” though. I thanked her for her words of encouragement.  When I heard her say “I believe in you,” I actually had a life-changing moment. Just as is written by Dr. Seuss in How The Grinch Stole Christmas, upon hearing her words, my “small heart grew three sizes that day.” Someone believed in me!

Of course, I already believed in myself. That’s why I was upset to not win anything (well, that, as well as being shortsighted about what I could learn from the experience). There’s nothing quite like having someone else believe in you, though.

When I grew up with my two brothers, two sisters, my mom, and my dad, I never once was told, “I love you.” I was never hugged or kissed by a parent or a sibling. I was not a member of a family who spoke about love in any way. Some people are shocked when I tell them this, but that was my world.

Mom had given birth to all five of us children within six years, so she was usually busy with household chores. She showed her love by making sure we were well-fed through her excellent cooking and well-dressed through the beautiful clothes she sewed for us.

Dad demonstrated his love by providing for us by working three jobs at times. Despite barely being able to carve out time from his jobs, he also built stilts for us (although my adult view of the danger of a group of rambunctious children walking around on stilts all day long may have cause me to question the gift of stilts).

We children loved those stilts! We risked life and limb on a daily basis just to walk around on two boards with notches for our feet. And speaking of not expressing love, I do not think we ever even thanked our dad for making the stilts.

My brothers and sisters and I also played endless games of cards, chase, tag, kick-the-can, and horseshoes. My older brother would always be protective of us in the school yard. My sisters and I would share secrets about the boys we liked just as often as we shared clothes. My youngest brother was clearly my parents’ favorite child, but he had such a sweet personality that none of us resented him for holding that position. We just loved him, as well as each other, without ever verbally expressing this.  But, none of us, from my parents to my siblings, ever spoke the words of love. (I feel legally obligated to point out here that my parents always denied that my younger brother was their favorite, but we other children knew what we knew).

Obviously, love can be shown in other ways than through the spoken words or through hugs and kisses. Still, when I heard my friend’s spoken words of encouragement, (definitely not, “I love you,” but the equally affirming, “I believe in you”), I had to fight the tears of happiness from my eyes. I will never forget those words.

Proverbs 3:3 states, “Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.” I will always have my friend’s words of encouragement written on the tablet of my heart.

My friend, even if she didn’t realize it, was following scripture, where 1 Thessalonians 5:11 states, “Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up.”

She encouraged me. She built me up. I was walking on the stilts of high praise. I was blissful, not with pride that she supported my work, but because she said that she believed in me. What better encouragement?

If you have someone who encourages you, hang on to that encouragement for dear life. If you are not aware of any such encouragement in your life, continue to believe in yourself. Eventually, you will hear others express that they believe in you, too. Again, just remember that you will never please everyone.

For example, you might not be please at all that I quote song lyrics, the Bible, an overused saying, and started at least one sentence with “And” and used one incomplete sentence by beginning with “Because” but never using a comma. If I worried too much about all of that, I could have never completed the writing of this newsletter.

Remember the quote written by the poet John Lydgate and often recited by President Abraham Lincoln. “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.” That’s a great quote and interesting that a writer created the words, although I’m not sure that you can please all of the people even some of the time. To live the life of a writer is to be praised and criticized.

John Lydgate was born in 1370, so that particular wisdom that he stated has been around a long time. Maybe, we should bind that to our hearts. Even Lydate was criticized — after his death, no less. A poetry editor named Joseph Ritson in 1802 said that Lydgate was a "voluminous, prosaick [apparently an 1802 spelling of prosaic?], and driveling monk" whose "stupid and fatiguing productions . . . by no means deserve the name of poetry [and] are neither worth collecting . . . nor even worthy of preservation." Ouch!

We will all suffer zings from readers throughout our career. Move on. Keep writing. Do what you are motivated to do. For the record, to all of you writers who are reading this, I believe in you! Why? Because you are a writer. You dare to subject yourself to criticism for your art. I love that about you.

So now, you have at least one true believer on your side. Please write that on the tablet of your heart.

And just in case I never said it, thanks, Mary (you know who you are) for giving me a figurative pair of stilts. Your four words of “I believe in you” will continue to mean the world to me. You are truly a great friend!

I think this lady was on stilts!