In elementary school, a child is often given a prepared form with blanks for the child to complete certain sentences. One of the pre-printed half-sentences that my daughter, Jamie, completed was, “The best thing my mom cooks is . . .” (followed by a blank). My honest daughter wrote, “Nothing.”
When I read this, I laughed so hard, plus I saved the completed project. What can I say? It’s (mostly) true.
Once, during the morning weekday rush, I quickly made what I thought was cinnamon toast and gave it Jamie for breakfast, who was then in first grade. As I rushed to finish getting ready for work, Jamie said, “Mom, this toast doesn’t taste right.” I came close to telling her just to eat it anyway. Fortunately, I investigated instead. That’s when I realized I had sprinkled the toast with seasoning salt instead of the cinnamon-sugar mixture. No wonder it didn’t taste right. She ate a pre-made Pop-tart for breakfast instead.
When Jamie was in second grade, I decided to make treats for the October costume party. (FYI, some incredibly conservative parents had successfully lobbied the school that the costume event could not be called Halloween. Personally, I didn’t care either way). I found a cute recipe for making cookies that looked like little pumpkins when finished. Following the recipe, I formed the cookie dough into little balls, baked them, cooked them, then coated them with orange food coloring after they cooled. The stems were almond slivers that were dyed green, then placed in the top of the cookie.
They looked great once I finished that night. I left them covered on the counter overnight. I must have done something wrong because when I awoke the next morning, the food coloring of both the pumpkins and the stems had faded way too much. Instead of looking like pumpkins, the cookies now looked like miniatures of a man’s nether regions (and nothing like the photo below).
I did not bring those shocking-looking cookies to the elementary school. Instead, Jamie and I stopped by the store on the way to school to buy some quick treats to take. I should have made marshmallow Ghost Treats instead. The easy-peasy recipe is to cut a pre-made rice crispy treat in half, then coat those halves with vanilla frosting, pop on some chocolate chip eyes, and place the whole thing on a stick.
To keep the Ghost Treats vegan, you would have to make the bar part yourself. That would be a lot of work. Why would this be necessary? Well, if you love marshmallows and don’t want to be grossed out, do not click on the link below. This information ruined Rocky Road ice cream for me. If you want the information, though, click away.
There’s more than one reason I wrote a book called, “I Cooked; Therefore, They Ran.” This is not a cookbook, but stories about bad cooking experiences. Some people say, “Write what you know.” I know way too much about bad cooking.
I am compelled to add that the one and only review for this book that I received on Amazon was, “Grab a copy. In fact, get six as this will make wonderful birthday and holiday presents for those who like to or think they can cook.”
My history of bad cooking explains why I am always pleasantly surprised to cook something that turns out . . . well, edible. Recently, I successfully made stuffed peppers. I found a vegan recipe which was easy to adapt to the filling ingredients I had on hand. I really just needed a few instructions about how long to cook the stuffed peppers.
All I had to do was cook the vegetables in olive oil over medium heat until they were lightly browned. Then, after cutting off the top of the peppers and removing all seeds, I stuffed the peppers, then placed the tops back on. I cooked the re-assembled peppers for 40 minutes in an oven preheated to 375 degrees. I then removed the tops and cooked the topless peppers for 5 to 10 more minutes. This last 5 to 10 minutes is good to do if you are adding vegan cheese (but I didn’t have any on hand). I used the last 10 minutes to make sure the edges browned.
Success! I created something that qualified as tasty food. This makes a wonderful autumn meal.
And speaking of autumn, I want to say, “Happy Halloween” or “Happy Costume Day” (whatever you prefer) to all of my readers!
Loved reading this, Lisbeth! Kids say (or write) the funniest things! It's amazing you saved that sweet assignment your daughter was given.
In first grade my child did her food report on gelatin and we found pictures of various foods and posted them beneath the question "What is talented made from?" Nobody guessed that the bones were the correct answer.